people everywhere: fuck those bands you listen to
me: what do you think im trying to do
what if someone called your phone, whispered your url and then hung up
fuensex: what if freaky friday happened but with you and a band member
izzetheking: I bought condoms today at walmart so the cashier would be like Wow your probably a really cool guy because your buying condoms which means you probably have a girlfriend. But in actuality I’m very lonely with no girlfriend and now I’m blowing up the condoms like a balloon until they pop and crying because it startles me everytime it pops.
cannolis: every eighth grader dreams of being the sole person responsible for a slow clap at a public event
When i look back on people that i used to like
pizzaforpresident: next time you want to make fun of me or my blog please remember that i’m ugly and therefore work 2.36 times harder to earn followers
lin-cait: richwhitelesbian: thatfuckingcrow: breonlovesyou: “aye brah you seen that gif with that girl twerking it at the Olympics?” Me:yeah, shes a 40 yard fakeout illusive strikes again hold on watch me pretend i still wouldnt hit it ok watch omfg
Plot Twist: I get a story telling anon.
theyellowbrickroad: what does a boner feel like
alltimeangela: if wasting time on the internet was an olympic sport i’d bring home the gold
madeagoestohell: still waiting for the next lil mama and avril lavigne collab
squigglydigg: pixievenus-ishere: fooploops: s #squigglydigg water u doin there I HEARD THERE WAS A PARTY CAN I JOIN
“ugh i hate my life” said the 15 year old girl as she tried on her size 0 skinny jeans and pulled her long blonde hair into a ponytail and then was driven home by her perfect boyfriend to her 4 story mansion with a pool and tennis court and walked into her gigantic room and laid on her king size bed with her fluffy puppy and picked up her iphone to texted her 6 best friends to go to the mall in...
how i would narrate the Olympics
me: they're doing some athletic shit
skeeotch: katara: if h2o really has oxygen why can’t i breathe water science: 0 fish: 1 the age old battle of science vs fish
atomicairspace: copperbooms: when did tumblr collectively decide not to use punctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing it just looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river
ordile: ATTENTION FRIENDS: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS OR I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND SIT ON YOUR FLOOR AND MAKE THIS FACE UNTIL YOU FEEL BETTER
furrys: im afraid that school is going to conflict with my blog so i cant go
blackyxxchan: strixxvaria: fuzzy-pickles: logs on facebook logs off facebook i’m This is why I hate people.
yaoistrider: daily reminder that arsenic catnip is an anagram of satanic prince
meeroar: the worst is when it’s late at night and some hilarious thing comes up on your dash but you can’t laugh or you’ll wake everyone up so you just smile demonically while rocking back and forth clapping like an excited seal heaving air into your lungs until your face hurts